Summer 2011

As regular readers have no doubt noticed, I haven't been very active in the online diaper community this summer. I thought that once my thesis finished up I would be less busy ... wrong!

In May I landed an internship in a very busy producer's office, which gave me the opportunity to work on the set of three independent features. In many ways, it was awesome-- I feel like I have learned more in the last few months than I did in my entire 4 years of college. In others, it was horrible-- I was sleeping an average of 4 hours a night and working 12 hour days for less than minimum wage. It made the work I did on my thesis seem like nothing, and the work was pretty menial for films I didn't care about.

Then again, the most important thing I learned was probably that I was capable of working that hard. I also put those got grown-up clothes I blogged about while back to good use, and got very comfortable dressing like an adult professional when I was in the office.

I didn't learn to tie that tie, though. No one else wore one, so I would have been overdressed. I like looking sharp, but really I don't want to be the kind of guy who wears a tie every day.

One really nice thing that has happened this summer is that I've reconnected with a long time reader of this blog named Sara. She emailed me back in August 2010 and we were talking about meeting up, but my thesis film got in the way and we lost track of each other. My girlfriend and I met up with her in the middle of the night at the Sugar Cafe, a little 24 hour diner on East Houston Street.

Sara's also an art school grad, so we have a bit more in common than any of the other DLs I've met in person. Despite the fact that her first email to me said that she had been too shy/embarrassed to contact me for nearly a year since she discovered my blog, she's an adventuresome and impressively inquisitive girl with a habit of jumping into strange jobs and activities on craigslist.

She said she thinks she's always had a diaper fetish, but never acknowledged it to herself until she was a senior in college. For her, diapers are a totally sexual thing and she looses interest in them pretty soon after she has an orgasm. I can definitely identify with that feeling. It sucks to be having a great orgasm and come down from it to realize how stupid you must look as an otherwise normal and attractive twenty-something in a wet diaper. All you can do is change yourself out of it and take a good, thorough shower.

In my case, I think I started very close to those lines, but over time the sharpness of that mental U-turn has abated a bit. When I first started wearing diapers again, I would often wait until I felt the need to go to the bathroom and just put one on instead. I would let the feeling build up until I lost control and had a genuine accident. The feeling was so new to me at the time that for a while I would just ignore that sudden loss of interest and change into a fresh diaper right away, knowing that the urge to use one would come back as soon as I needed to go again.

Part of this habit came from the fact that it was difficult at first to let go unless it was an emergency. Sure, I've always been a pantswetter, but I was so used to keeping control as tight as I could until I was sitting on the toilet. As I got better at wetting my pants as soon as I felt the need to go, I learned that I really liked the feeling of just being able to forget about holding it at all. I learned to delay my orgasm so I could enjoy being diapered longer. I think that has something to do with why my interest in diapers fluctuates less than Sara's.

Speaking of fluctuations, there was an odd period in June when I felt pretty much zero desire to wear diapers. Around this time, our apartment was stricken with bedbugs. As those of you in NYC probably know, those baneful little beasts get EVERYWHERE. You have no idea where they are, and you have to treat everything. Disposable diapers would be a prime hiding place for them, and as a result, we would have had to ask the exterminator to treat them. The incredible awkwardness would have been unbearable. We opted to throw them away. I wondered at that time ... was this it for me and diapers? First this extended lack of desire, and now I was throwing the ones I have left away.

Well, I was without them for more than two months after that, experiencing the occasional twinge, but nothing even close to the urge I used to feel. Then two days ago, my friend jokingly brought up Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who drove from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida in diapers. It's dumb that this of all things would bring my desires back, but it did. He humorously suggested that he often thought of her when he was doing something and had to stop for a moment to get up to go to the bathroom. We were hanging out in my kitchen all day, talking philosophy over coffee, and after a bit all of us were getting up to pee pretty frequently. This is exactly the kind of situation where I always want to be in diapers, and realizing that I didn't have any made me want them even more.

Later, as we were hanging out and watching the old X-Men animated series from the '90s, (now on Netflix instant!) I suddenly realized that episode 8, “The Unstoppable Juggernaut,” contained one of the most memorable diaper references of my childhood.

Those readers who are DLs (which must be pretty close to everyone) will know what I'm talking about when I say "memorable references." As a kid, I would always take special interest any time someone in a movie or TV series would mention diapers. Even just commercials for diapers would capture my rapt attention. In this particular episode, Juggernaut teases Jubilee about wearing diapers.

Here's a link to the clip.

I can't even say how many Jubilee fantasies that line spurred for little 10 year old me. At that age, I was having daytime wetting accidents more often than any other time in my life, and I had a drawer full of stained X-Men underwear. I was so sure I was going to be put back in diapers any day. The thought that this cool, spunky superhero girl might have the same issue as me was incredibly exciting. If internet access had been available to me at the time, you can bet that I would have been responsible for some truly ridiculous fanfiction. As I write this, I am actually shocked that google image search does not turn up any images of Jubilee in diapers. Come on, Internet. You are seriously slacking ... what the hell happened to “Rule 34?” (On that note, I invite those artists among you to submit your sexiest diapered-Jubilee fan art. I'll put it up and judge the winner. Go!)

Remembering all this was too much for me. The next day, I went out and got a pack of Depends Maximum Protection. I was wearing them when my girlfriend came home with a friend from work in tow.

I am generally pretty calm about wearing in public, but Depends are loud, I wasn't wearing a belt, and I had the pack sitting in plain sight in the bedroom. I dashed to the bedroom and tossed the pack under the bed just as my girlfriend started giving her friend the grand tour. My behavior probably seemed pretty strange, but I got them hidden in time.

Then I had to get the one I was wearing off. I sat talking with them for a bit, then excused myself to the bathroom. The door is right next to the kitchen table where we were all sitting, and I had to turn the water on so the sound would drown out the crinkling as I changed out of the diaper. Luckily, it was still dry, so clean up was not an issue.

I hid it at the bottom of the trash can, under the liner, then flushed and came out like nothing had happened.

A close call, but the crisis was averted.